Have sex God’s way

How does God really feel about sex? Looking at some of the scriptures in the Bible I would say that He’s all for it. (Not a newsflash, I know) God created sex. Everything God created was good. The problem comes in with the devil.

 Looking at the law of first mention

“In the Beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth and it was GOOD.”
What happened?

Tohuw and Bohuw

What is that, you say? “without form and void.” The actual translation from the Torah says “Tohuw and Bohuw. If you look those words up you’ll come to the conclusion and answer I did: the devil. Somewhere between Genesis 1:1 and 1:2 is where Isaiah 14:12 comes in.

“How you are fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning!”

When Satan fell to the earth he brought Tohuw and Bohuw with him so all that was created “good” became infected. Including sex.

  • God never intended for people to be ashamed of their bodies- that was the devil’s doing.
  • God never intended for people to have sex outside of the covenant of marriage- devil’s doing.
  • God never intended for sex to be an act of self-gratification- devil’s doing.
  • God never intended for people to need to ask questions about sex- devil’s doing.

God is all for an intimate, open relationship between a husband and wife without any form of fear. Unfortunately, today what you find is fear in many different forms haunting and polluting married couples.

Women come into marriage thinking that they must be XY and Z in order to be a good wife. Sometimes past relationships paralyze their ability to enjoy their husband intimately. Other times they’re plagued with images of women in such a fashion that they don’t feel beautiful any longer, or they feel they are only loved for the wrong reasons.

Likewise, men have been so invaded with images of women that it is difficult for them to keep their minds pure and faithful to their spouse. Another issue men face is the unreasonable expectations women hold for their husbands based off of fantasy novels and “fairytale” movies and television shows. Most of the expectations women enter a marriage with are nothing more than unattainable.

So what do you do?

Have sex God’s way.

  1. Keep your mind set on things above- I don’t mean to think about God while having sex, either. I mean to keep your mind (soul) centered on the things that please God. Pornography, lust, manipulation and selfishness are not of God.
  2. Do everything in love. I am not talking about just loving the person you are with. Walk in love when it comes to that person. Be patient, kind, don’t envy, don’t seek your own, don’t be easily provoked or behave rudely, believe the best of your partner, hope for the best and endure everything that comes.
  3. Another part that goes with love- “Perfect love casts out fear.” When you really love someone, there should be no fear. You shouldn’t fear whether or not they’ll cheat on you, whether they really love you or if they might hurt you. If you have any of those fears then you need to work on your concept of love. (noted)

I’m going to end with this thought: If God created sex and it is “good”- why are so many people settling for the alternative the devil has offered?

A Sexually Frustrated Generation

“Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” Song of Solomon 2:7

“I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, do not stip up nor awaken love until it pleases.” Song of Solomon 8:4

I  believe that we are living in a day and age where more and more people are sexually frustrated. Why? Because they woke up (stirred up) something they shouldn’t have, and did so before it’s time.

We live in a society where sex is all around you. It’s in commercials, television shows, movies, books you read, on clothing, in music, in the news, in school, at work and at church. Sex is everywhere. With such a bombardment of sexual thoughts, inuendos, portrayals and debates, how does one NOT think about it? And, if you’re a virgin and trying to retain your sexual purity, how does all of this not turn into the biggest spoon ever to enter your pot?

“Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, by the swift gazelles and the deer of the wild, not to awaken love until the time is right.” Song of Solomon 3:5

So, when is the right time? Your wedding day. No, this is not written for those of you who have no concept of the covenant of marriage or for those who don’t see the fault in premarital sex. It is written for those who want to walk in integrity, not only in their conversation, but their lifestyle.

 “‘When I passed by you again and looked upon you, indeed your time was the time of love; so I spread My wing over you and covered your nakedness. Yes, I swore an oath to you and entered into a covenant with you, and you became Mine,’ says the Lord God.” Ezekiel 16:8

When you get married, traditionally the father walks the bride down the aisle to her new husband. I want you to picture with me something that I saw when I read this scripture. When we are at the right age, the time of love, God Himself comes down and covers us. He does this with the protection of our parents, our pastors and His Word. He makes a covenant with us to cover us until the day He gives us to another.

Now, visualize the wedding ceremony of your dreams. The seating is decorated with flowers and bows, the altar is surrounded by those closest to you and the love of your life, the music plays gently and the back doors open to reveal a young bride with her father. They walk between all of those congregated to witness the blissful day of the joining together of their friend, sister, brother, son or daughter with the one they love. As they take each step you notice, there with father and daughter, God Himself walks on her other side. He, too, has a part to play in this service.

He has held this young women in the palm of His hand, covering her for years. His protection has shielded her from those that prowl for an immoral peek of such beauty. He has shaped her thoughts and with her submission to His guidelines kept her from wandering down paths of perversion and insecurity. He has preserved her tenderness and purity for the day she would give such a treasure to the one God fashioned for her.

Now, the covenant of marriage is entered by each with a simple “I do”, a signature and rings. God lifts the veil now for her new husband to see the beauty He has been conserving.

“Forty years ago, 29 percent engaged in sex before age 18, compared to 63 percent recently.” Sex, Love, and Health in America: Private Choices and Public Policies~ Edward O. Laumann and Robert T. Michael

Too often, young ladies don’t wait to awaken their love. They may or may not know how God feels about sex before marriage, but more often than not they remove God’s hand to reveal themselves before time. This not only leaves them prey to the devices of the world, it sets them up for heartache and disappointment when their prince is not the Prince of their dreams.

Child/adult sexual experiences: Roughly one in eight women and one in 16 men have had sexual experiences as children with an adult. People who have had such experiences tend to exhibit much higher levels of erotic behavior during adulthood. Women who have had that experience are more than three times as likely to have had more than 10 sex partners in their lifetime, twice as likely to have had a sexually transmitted disease, nearly three times as likely to report high sexual dysfunction during adulthood, and nearly four times as likely to be forced sexually as an adult.” Sex, Love, and Health in America: Private Choices and Public Policies~ Edward O. Laumann and Robert T. Michael

I could write about this all day and include countless facts and quotes about such a topic, but I want to end with this. If you waken love before its time, you’ll never know why it was worth the wait…

Studying the Bible Naked

“And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” Genesis 2:25

 “You will never be naked and unashamed until you can be naked and unashamed with yourself.” ~ Yvylyn Lawson

When you are ashamed it is because you feel condemned. You are judging yourself against something, whether it is the Word, friends, family, society or your own personal endeavors.

~Condemnation keeps you ugly, unworthy and unnoticed.

“There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not

walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in

Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.” Romans 8:1

     I have had low self esteem most of my life. The things I saw in myself nobody else did. The compliments continued to come, but I became ugly in my own eyes. When that took place my self-worth deteriorated as well. I didn’t feel I deserved the love of my husband; I only made friends with people I felt I could measure up to; and I overworked at everything to try and find worth.

     As I said before, the compliments continued even though I thought I was ugly. Likewise, all of my efforts were recognized, accolades were given. Yet, everything I did went unnoticed to my mind because I knew those things that I didn’t do, or realized how much more I could have done.

     I became my worst critic. Nothing I did mattered, nothing I had to offer was good enough and I never looked good enough in my own eyes. The underlying root in all of these is sin, and my knowledge of it. Our cognizants of the sins we commit often times blinds us and keeps us in shame; paralyzing our ability to keep growing.

“Forgive and you will be forgiven… For with the same measure that you use, it

will be measured back to you.” Luke 6:37b, 38b

First of all, that includes YOU! If you don’t forgive yourself then God can’t. I didn’t say He won’t… He can’t. That scripture, like many others in the Bible, is a spiritual law (principle). God follows those laws just as there are natural laws that we must follow.

~Law of gravity~ The gravitational (natural force of attraction) of the mass of a celestial object (as earth) for bodies close to it.

On Earth, if you throw something up then it must come down due to the law of gravity. On the moon, that law does not apply. In the spiritual realm there are laws as well. God gave us these laws so that we could operate and live effectively with them. He is not trying to keep people in sin or give them room to be unforgiven.

“The Lord is not slack concerning His promises, as some count slackness,

but is longsufferingtoward us (you), not willing that any should perish but that

all should come to repentance.” 2 Peter 3:9

So we must forgive ourselves. Period. It doesn’t mean to justify what you did. Forgiveness is recognizing what Jesus di on the cross to cover your sins and make you the righteousness of God as enough. If you can’t forgive yourself then you are bound by those sins. When you are boung then you will never see the beauty God has put into you and wants to show through you.

 

“Likewise, we will become sick with ourselves if we reflect back on all that we have done in life . In fact, one of the quickest ways to resurrect your old self is to begin remembering the “old days”. You risk the spirit of shame and guilt overtaking you if you are not careful.”

Resurrecting the Wrong Life~ Yvylyn Lawson

The Bible tells us to forget those things behind us. We have to let go of all of the failures, mistakes and even the intentional sins we have committed. Until we do, we are still placing ourselves under their control. If you are born again then the Spirit should be what controls you, not your past. When you see yourself through the eyes of God and what He says about you in His Word, then you will have no reason to be unashamed.

 

“When we hold on to a part of our past that has hurt us we are actually giving it control of our lives. In my marriage, my past hurts were controlling my marriage and the love that I would release or receive. We must render our past helpless, yet more and more we are helping it control us by submitting to its’ trap of fear and resentment.  “

Resurrecting the Wrong Life ~ Yvylyn Lawson

 

I began writing this from notes that I had taken. I had just ran a couple miles, came home and mowed the lawn, and was trying to cool down. I took my shower but when I got out, my body temperature was still pretty high. So I didn’t want to get dressed. As I sat on my bed with just my towel on, I picked up my Bible to do some reading and wait to return to a cooler temperature before getting dressed.

While reading, my towel, which I had not sufficiently secured, fell to both sides of me. My first reaction of course was to stop reading and cover myself once more. It was at that moment that God spoke to me and said, “Why are you so ashamed?”

We both knew why and I started to cry. I didn’t like the way I looked and didn’t want anyone else, not even myself, to see my naked body. No, there was nobody else in the room, but be honest with yourself: when was the last time you studied the Bible completely naked?

Then, this thought came to mind: We cover ourselves with clothing, blankets, towels, make up, hats, shoes and personas because we’re trying to cover the very thing God fashioned us to be. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting we all start walking through life literally naked. It is time, though, for us to shed the fears, shame, masks, hesitations and doubts. Get before God and let yourself be naked. Let Him see those areas of your life that you’re trying to ignore or cover. It is only then (through admission and repentance) that you’ll be able to be naked and not ashamed…

 

How far is too far?

The age-old question that so many teens ask their parents, youth leaders and counselors: How far is too far?

“You can go as far with your boyfriends as you are comfortable doing in front of your father.” (Lisa Bevere)

How’s that for an answer? Most children hold respect for their fathers and so this answer is a good guideline. If you are thinking about doing anything other than what you’ll do in front of dad (or mom, if you come from a single-parent household) than you are awakening something not yet ready for you.

The reason it is so important to wait for all the “other” stuff is because those are reserved for your husband or wife alone. Joshua Harris has a book out called, I Kissed Dating Goodbye that I would recommend to anyone that is not yet married. In one of the chapters he argues that dating:

  1. leads to intimacy but not necessarily to commitment
  2. tends to skip the “friendship” stage of a relationship
  3. often mistakes a physical relationship for love
  4. often isolates a couple from other vital relationships
  5. in many cases, distracts young adults from their primary responsibility of preparing for the future
  6. can cause discontentment with God’s gift of singleness
  7. creates an artificial environment for evaluating another person’s character

He also asks two piercing questions:

-Does love motivate the guy who sleeps with his girlfriend when it will scar her emotionally and damage her relationship with God?-Does sincerity motivate the girl w;ho leads a guy along then breaks up with him when she finds someone better?

Going “too far” doesn’t just affect you if you get pregnant, contract an STD or die from A.I.D.S. The moment you have sex outside of marriage you open yourself up to the many different facets of sex that can cause pain, pressure, fear, anxiety, resentment, regret, distrust, doubt and lust; all of which have never been a part of God’s plan for intimacy.

I would liken premarital sex to driving a leased vehicle. I’ve never leased one, but I believe what you do is basically make payments, just as if you were buying it, but there’s no commitment. At the end of the terms you return the vehicle and the payments due stop. How frightening that would be to someone like me who doesn’t even like to test-drive a vehicle if it’s not mine. With a lease, there is no commitment. That vehicle is no more yours than a child is that you babysit.

Commitment, as in a marraige covenant, brings peace of mind, respsonsibility, diligence, integrity and a sense of comfort. Back to the leased vehicle, you don’t know what you will be driving at the end of the lease. You are most likely not going to take as good of care with the lease as you would one you were buying. Finally, there is no comfort in driving around someone else’s vehicle. Likewise, the person who is having sex outside of marriage does not have the assurance that they will be with that person after a couple of years, or months even. There is no commitment to stay with them so there is no comfort in knowing that you won’t be alone in the future.

Another aspect of leasing a vehicle is that if you do have damage on the vehicle at the end of the lease, or if you have driven it too many miles (please don’t go there with premarital sex) then there is a fine, or penalty that you must pay. Now, you can pay the total cost and just own the vehicle in the end (although that may have not been your choice in the beginning) or you may just fork over the extra cash.

I see an analogy to a girl getting pregnant before marriage here. The guy (or girl) may not have made up their mind if this was someone they wanted to raise children with. That option is out the door now. (Unless the guy leaves, an abortion is performed, or adopted is opted) All of those cost money (the penalty we talked about). Otherwise, now a commitment is required, but they weren’t necessarily your “dream car.” Get me?

I’m going to finish this blog with some excerpts from a summary of I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Tim Grissom:

“I do not believe that dating is sinful,” writes Joshua Harris. “I view dating in a similar light as I view fast-food restaurants–it’s not wrong to eat there, but something far better is available.”

Most kids grow up thinking that dating is an essential part of being a teenager. To them, life is a series of one-girlfriend (or boyfriend)-after-another, which really amounts to one-heartache-after-another. A two-year relationship seems like a long-term commitment. Even those who make it through the junior-high and senior-high years with their sexual purity intact will often emerge with damaged emotions, bitterness, and cynicism. To be sure, much of the damage may have been inflicted by the individuals involved, but likewise the system itself is faulty. There must be a better way to interact with members of the opposite sex, a less hurtful means to find a suitable life partner.

So how do we avoid defective dating? How can couples meet, romance one another, and nurture a relationship that might someday bloom into marriage? It’s one thing to spot the flaws, but what are the Solutions?To begin with, we must stop abusing the word love. Our meaning is far below God’s, yet it is His blessing we want and his best we pursue. Understanding what God calls love is our first step.“Like a fruit picked green or a flower plucked before it blossoms, our attempts to rush God’s timing can spoil the beauty of His plan for our lives.”

Man’s view of love contains several notions that are contrary to God’s, and should therefore be contrary to the way we pursue love, especially love in the deepest and most intimate of human relationships. We must reject the philosophy of love that holds comfort of self as its chief end, reduces love to a mere feeling, and believes that love is beyond control. According to God’s Word: love seeks first the good of others, must not be measured by feelings, and is capable of being controlled responsibly.

Simply put, the style of dating so prevalent in Western culture is little more than a series of short-term relationships, a training ground for divorce. Where’s the responsibility? Where’s the sincerity? Where’s the love?


For the rest of the summary, or to buy this book, goto http://www.joshharris.com/ikdg/summary.htm

Blessings and Shalom
 

Sexual Purity

This is the start of random thoughts about sexual purity; what’s right, what is wrong and where are we going?

To start off I want to quote Lisa Bevere’s Book, “Kissed the Girls and Made them Cry” :

“I believe God wants to tell you a bedtime story, to rock back to sleep what’s been so rudely awakened. One to softly lull passions back to a place of waiting and resting in slumber, a story to restore to a dreamlike state what was awakened before its time. A place where fears are calmed and hope is restored. A haven where shame is not permitted, and everything is fresh, new and clean as flowers after a spring rain.”

 Whether God needs to rock back to sleep desires or actions that have woken before the marriage covenant; pain and memories that have bombarded your psyche so that true love cannot breathe, or thoughts and imaginations that have been inundated with images and suggestions from today’s society- God never intended for our souls to drown in a society of promiscuity and lust. It’s time that we remember what love is, what sex is meant to be, and experience that which God created for us to, under the confines of marriage: a healthy, enjoyable intimacy with our partners.

 I wrote a sermon a while back called Prayer and Sex. It was a side-by-side view of how the two mirror each other in many facets. One of those was intimacy. In too many marriages (and Christians) intimacy is nothing more than going through motions, saying the right words and occasionally having a “feeling.”

Prayer should be nothing more than an intimate time with the Father. When we pray we are having a conversation with our Maker. It is not meant to be a time of ritualistic recitals of common prayers and/or mundane expressions of our “want’ list to an All-powerful, untouchable Great Power. It is the time that we are welcomed to come and dine with Him. A time when we can not only tell Him how we are feeling or express our needs, but also when He has the floor to speak to us.

Think about a close friend you once had but no longer communicate with. Now ask yourself why you stopped talking to them? Did you move? Did they? Was their an argument of some sort that has put up a wall between the two of you? Or, which is often the case, have your lives just taken different paths now and each other are not in them?

Now consider what it would take to have that relationship blossom once more? It would take TALKING.

Intimacy is nothing more than talking. When we are intimate with God, our Father, we talk to Him. We don’t just give him our “gimme” lists. We don’t just recite age-old prayers or repetitious expressions of intercession. We talk to Him; and we listen as He talks to us.

Sex is the same thing: a man and a woman speaking to each other; to the other’s mind, body and spirit. Intimacy is supposed to be a time of complete trust and surrender. Why is it then that so many people struggle with what is supposed to be care-free and liberating? Why is the most important relationship in a person’s life often wreaked with uncertainty and doubt?

Over the course of this exploration to find answers to those questions and many more I am going to touch base on some things that I have been asked, whether by friends or people I have counseled. I will talk about:

  • How far is too far?
  • What parents are teaching their kids by what they are listening to, reading and watching.
  • What to do if you’ve already gone “too far”?
  • What is hurting girls and boys of all ages.
  • How to heal from past abuse or promiscuity.
  • How we lose when we give in.

I hope you will take this journey with me over the next couple weeks. This is a public site where I know my writings will be seen,but this is also going to be my wall for expression, my canvas of pain, tears and trials and my map of exploration. Blessings and Shalom